Is there an expiry date for friendship?


I sent a Facebook message last night to someone I haven’t spoken to since 2004. We had grown up together and spent our entire childhoods joined at the hip. We had grown apart once we hit high school, and then one day – for no reason in particular – we just never spoke again.

There were a number of key factors in the demise of our friendship. They were mostly external and mostly were due to other people and their not-very-nice personalities. I had always felt that we would have remained friends had there not been such a negative presence around us. That’s life I suppose – you can’t control this stuff.

This old friend had added me on Facebook a couple of weeks ago. I was initially in shock that she added me onto her Facebook profile, and then I became itching to send her a message and get in contact. I struggled with the initial decision to send anything all at… and if I did – what the hell was I going say?

Deep down I had a lot of resentment – the end of our friendship saw a dramatic change in my life. I intrinsically changed as a person. I became more reserved, and thoughtful and hid from the spotlight that I once craved to be in front of. My introversion became apparent, and me general ‘give a fuck what others think’ dropped significantly. These changes happened to me for the better – I believe – but at the time I felt broken and trapped. I always wondered if the downfall of our friendship had quite the same impact on her end.

I wanted to send a message that started a conversation. I didn’t want to pour my heart out to an apparent stranger. I’m sure that the person she was at 14 is very different to the 24 year old woman she is now – so I don’t feel like I can make any assumptions about her likelihood of response and what her reaction would be.

I eventually did send her message. It said “I know it’s been a while, but I just wanted to say hi. Seeing you pop up in my newsfeed gave me a sense of nostalgia for the past. I hope you’re well and life is good x” There is so much more than I wanted to say, but I held back from entering into creepy-stalkery territory. I felt a sense of relief after pressing send – I know that I tried. And even if I never hear back from her, I know that for me – I have left things right.



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